Caroline, my dear. It’s been three years and half since we first met. I remember it was Monday evening. Shenilah invited you to be there. There were visiting foreigne missionaries. They even sang “He knows my Name.” That time I first learned of your name. Caroline anne. You had that long wavy hair. You seated at the left side, second row, of the cottage. Such an innocent, puzzled face. Puzzled because you seemed to be wondering why we were doing what we were doing. Today things have changed. Even before things have dramatically changed. I did not pursue what I felt for you. I never gave ourselves a chance. I pulled it off. Hanged. Sometimes I wonder, if I pursued you what could have possibly happened. Would it have been better? Exciting? Edifying? Or the opposite? Much more damage to emotions, studies and even negative effects to the Agape ministry. No regrets. All things work together for good. Now what shall I do? To pursue or not to pursue? To feel or not to feel? To hold on or to let go? To court or to abort? To text or not to text? If I’m not gonna do some initiatives in showing my interest in pursuing you, would I be at peace with myself? How about treating you as friends? We have been treating each other such, and it’s healthy; at the same time time, torturing me emotionally. To be a friend or totally forget you? Which is which?
20 April 2008